7 Tips for More Success in the Bedroom
Okay, can we be real? Can we talk about sex, baby? Let’s talk about you and me?
I mean for real though…
WHYYYYYY is this topic still so taboo?
Why do we feel the need to hide or shy away from having these conversations?
I mean, did we forget that this is how we were all created?
We came into existence by someone, somewhere, getting it on…
*Stepping off my soap box*
That’s not what I’m writing about though!
With Valentine’s Day HERE, I wanted to write something that might help you spice things up in the bedroom a little bit.
Read on if you’re interested in 7 of my favorite tips for doing the thang behind closed doors
Know yourself and what you like.
If we don’t first experiment with ourselves (yes, I’m talking touching ourselves, masturbating, you know… the other things that make people cringe when you bring it up at the dinner table) how in the world will we be able to tell any of our partners what we like? It’s not common for another person to read our minds. So, it’s really helpful to know what you like. For example - do you like a little pressure added at your pubic bone with foreplay? Do you prefer anal stimulation? Where do you want their other hand? It’s important you know!
PRO Masturbation tip: don’t go straight for the clitoris. Make sure you use your fingers and your hands to actually explore. Even your neck, your wrists, belly, and inner thighs. Get to know yourself, you badass bitch you!
My favorite toy brand is Vush Official - they’ve got some really fun toys to play with!
Communicate.
I know this seems like common sense, but I’m saying it for a reason. As you know I work with hundreds of men and women dealing with sexual dysfunctions. One of the biggest and most commons issues I see is fear of communicating what they don’t like or do want. We can’t be afraid of those things. We have to state (clearly) what we do like. I mean, we’ve all been there… your partner is going to town, and it’s like a DJ on where they think your clitoris is.. .and you’re trying your best to move around or hint that you don’t like it… but they keep going until well, they get off. The first thing they say is usually “ how was it for you?” in which… whyyyyy for the love of all things good do we say great?! Let’s really start communicating our wants and needs and be firm in that! Chances are, the right partner is going to want to supply you with what you want!
If penetrating - lubricant is your friend
It seems like this is a common trend right now… “but I never used to have to use lubricant…” Well, that’s unfortunate because using lubricant does not mean something is wrong, nor does it signify that you “can’t” produce lubricant on your own. Lubricant is great for the purpose of applying moisture to prevent any discomfort where they will be friction. Cue: anything going inside your vagina or your anus, whether a toy, a strap on, or a penis. I am a HUGE fan of lubricant and there is NO SHAME in using it and having to reapply. If your partner uses condoms, it acts an extra layer to prevent any friction or pain. Now, when we talk about lubricants there are two types:
Silicone lubricant: They don’t dry out as quickly. You will find you do not have to re-apply as often if at all.
My favorite brand is Uber Lube
Water based lubricant: for those who are concerned about any silicone or anything going into their vagina! You may have to reapply this one!
Favorite brands: Coconu, Good Clean Love
Remind yourself that the big O doesn’t have to be the end goal
Not everything has to lead to an orgasm to be pleasureable. In fact, one of the first things I address with anyone struggling with sexual dysfunction is finding pleasure in all things, or the little things. Things like holding a warm cup of coffee. Or tasting the juiciness of a ripe strawberry. Or feeling the sunshine. You see, pleasure can be so wonderful and if you are in the moment, finding pleasure with your partner, you will answer with a resounding “It was incredible” when asked how it was for you.
I find often that focusing on the 5 senses while with your partner can be helpful. For example: what do you smell: the vanilla candle. What do you hear: rain outside. What do you feel: the silk sheets under my body, his hands running up my legs. You get the picture… verbalize it out loud to your partner, and let them participate! What a fun way to be in the moment.
Increase physical activity throughout each day AND include pelvic floor focus (not kegels)
Even if it’s just taking the stairs, or parking further away, a little bit of exercise will only improve your ability to blow someone’s mind. Now, I’m not talking just running or lifting weights (while they are so important) but i mean mobility and flexibility too. So, if you’ve considered signing up for that yoga class, this is a great time. You may be able to do a pose that will be a fun one to use in the bedroom!!
Recommendations on how much physical activity are as follows:
150 minutes of moderate exercise per week
Moderate exercise can be like a brisk walk or even yoga
75 minutes of vigorous exercise
More like running or cycling
Muscle Strengthening exercise of at least moderate intensity at least 2 days per week
flexibility/mobility for at least 20 minutes every day
Things like lunging, squats, deadlifts, core exercise and more are good for your pelvic health. Even pilates is a great addition. You don’t need to squeeze your vagina at a stop light a million times or try and stop your pee (don’t do this please) in order to improve your pelvic health. Be active!
Be honest with dr. andrea: where are you currently and what can you do to improve?
Write down and let yourself visualize your fantasies
I know this sounds cliche as well, but it’s true. Have you ever heard of “manifest it” or manifestation tactics? Well, you can do that for your sex life too. By writing down what you desire, what you like, and what you fantasize about, you can allow your brain to make that connection and allow it to become possible. You can even go a step further and let your partner read what you’ve written, or do this Dunedin exercise together. Then visualize it - and don’t be afraid to try it (as long as it’s safe).
Try different positions and get curious
Ever watched something and felt like you wouldn’t be able to do it because of back pain or something? Or do you have really tight hips and so some of the sex positions are scary? What about pain with penetration? Well - all of these and more are great reasons to try something different. Go back to foreplay (I recommend 15 minutes at least), or change positions. Go from laying on your back to trying on your side with a pillow between your knees.. Or try on your back with pillows under your hips on an incline… the sky is the limit here. As long as it’s safe and there isn’t pain - try it!
Remember pain is NEVER okay with sexual play. If you do experience pain with sexual play, it may be a good opportunity to find a pelvic floor therapist near you.
I hope you all have a sexy V-day, you dirty ducks you!
Love,
